So it’s been a few months since my last post, but this time it wasn’t my fault. Here’s what happened: (short story)

I woke up on a lovely Saturday in April; April 24th, I believe. I made my way downstairs to fix myself a nutritious breakfast and to my surprise there standing in my very own kitchen was no other than “Mad Artheon Meikuzukushi” the most notorious half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain of them all!

What, you may ask, was Mad Meikuzukushi doing in MY house? Well, as everyone knows that if a half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain sacrifices a suburban black cat to the Ninja/Pirate hybrid Gods, when the moon is full at exactly 2:26am, while standing in a boat made of oak, and holding an onion in your left hand-they can and WILL be the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.

I of course, I have a black cat named Tales. “Tales” (2) for those who do not know, has an origin dating back to ancient times when “The Ninja” and “The Pirate” first fell in love and decided to create a super-hybrid (I may tell this story at a later time). Tales. Definition: the writ by which such persons are summoned.

When, and I am not 100% sure HOW Mad Meikuzukushi found out about my cat, Tales, he felt drawn…you can even say “summoned” to capture him and deliver him to the Gods.

So there I was: Saturday, 8am-kitchen. Mad Meikuzukushi with his soulless eyes, Tales in hand, glaring at me; a shiver ran down my spine. What the heck was going on?!! Then, without warning, without a second thought he was gone, Tales was gone! Mad Meikuzukushi used his Ninja side to escape before I could do anything. But what he left behind was the key to get Tales back, the key to the start of my adventure. I looked at my feet and there lay a scroll in a bottle. Mad Meikuzukushi’s Pirate side had failed him. Silly Pirates-always drunkenly loosing things.

The scroll, conveniently, outlined all what I needed to know. I quickly ran over to the calendar and noticed that April 28th was a full moon. I had to act quickly. I gathered my things and headed out blindly, frantically attempting to gather any clues possible.

If I was a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain, where would I go? Then it hit me…THE ONION! HE NEEDS AN ONION!. I know what you’re thinking now: but where would a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villian buy an onion? WELL, that’s OBVIOUS! WHERE PEOPLE ARE USED TO SEEING “ODD” CHARACTERS….WAL_MART! Proof

I jumped on my bike and rode as fast as I could. When I arrived, I scanned the food section: a woman with a mullet, a man with a ferret wearing a fedora and this guy

I almost gave up hope, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Mad Meikuzukushi in the section of the Miley Cyrus clothing line (yeah, don’t ask me- I don’t know). He didn’t know I was there. I had to think quickly. WHAT defeats a hybrid Ninja/Pirate? I then grabbed…a copy of some “Justin Bieber” CD, the closest CD-player I could find and blasted it. It worked! Mad Meikuzukushi dropped to the ground in agony. Not even the strongest of Ninja/Pirate hybrids could withstand “Baby Baby Baby…” When I thought it was safe, I ran over to grab Tales. BUT THEN SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED. The CD player (great quality) began to skip giving Mad Meikuzukushi enough time to escape. This time I was ready, this time I was able to see his mode of transportation. A Kawasaki Vulcan cruiser, of course.

Where was he going? As I stood there in thought- BAM I felt a strong hit to the back of my head and I was out! When I came to there stood a mysterious figure. I was in an unknown place. A Clown? Why did a Clown hit me? When I came to he (never caught his name) regaled me with tales of how the first Ninja/Pirate hybrid destroyed his land and killed his family- only 4 survived. From that day on, all Clowns’ mission was to stop any Ninja/Pirate hybrid from becoming “the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.”
How could this Clown help me? Fact: Clowns are very agile, sneaky and darn right creepy. No one wants to mess with a Clown. So I thought: “hey, couldn’t hurt, right?”

The next few days were spent in the Clown’s secret fort (can’t recall where we stayed). We planned our method of attack and researched areas of where the sacrifice HAD to take place. There was only one (sadly I cannot say as I fear any other Ninja/Pirate hybrids will read this and come after me).

And so, we headed off once more and arrived at our destination the morning of the 28th. We didn’t have much time. There were many things to gather. The night was creeping upon us.

The clown and I set up camp at 9:00pm. It was night, the sun had already fallen-we waited.

At 12am Mad Meikuzukushi finally arrived- he had to prepare as well. He made his way on his boat to the middle of the lake [location: not specified for reasons above]. We gathered our things and moved in, slowly behind. When he stopped we were running out of time-it was 1:55am. The clown took charge, jumped Mad Meikuzukushi’s boat and attempt to slay him. That was the end of the Clown. The ultimate mistake every Clown makes and something everyone must know: you cannot, repeat CANNOT destroy a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain with a balloon sword. That was the last time I would join forces with a Clown…just sayin’.

So it was up to me! Mad Meikuzukushi knew I was there! He fought back with ninja stars, cannons and even fish. With my inner strength and the love for my cat fueling me, I avoided all hits but all my supplies and weapons were destroyed. I was panicking, Mad Meikuzukushi knew I held the shorter hand. I couldn’t give up, but yet I didn’t know what else to do! Then there, stuck in the side of my boat, tangled in what was left of the Clown’s bag was my answer!

2:23am! It was time, my heart beat quickly, sweat dripped down my temples. Mad Meikuzukushi raised his left hand-the onion! There he stood on a boat made of oak, the moon was full! Mad Meikuzukushi raised his right hand-there he held his Katana.

I responded, the Clown- he had an iphone! Apparently the Clown was a closet Justin Bieber fan. And you know what happened next. With power and my own personal invisibly cloak [Justin’s Bieber’s tween and 40-year woman, loving voice] I jumped the boat, tied the iPhone to Mad Meikuzukushi and dumped him overboard to his watery abyss-never to be seen from again.

Tales was safe and I didn’t have to listen to Justin Bieber any longer. All was well.

Now to figure out how to get home…

I IZ SAFE

You might be thinking: “well that only counts for like one, two weeks of inactivity. Let me ask you this: “Have you ever had to battle a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain for the sake of your cat?” Plus all that travel time? It’s tiring!!!

Actuality: like all my blogs, this one has followed suit and has fallen in the vortex of my laziness, hopefully I made up for it with creativity.

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One thing I have realized on the drive to and from work everyday is that I really appreciate the “thank you wave”. It may be a very small gesture but it goes a long way.

I drive with traffic as part of my daily routine and everyday I witness the aggressiveness some drivers possess. We all have our moments and sure, doing the 9-5 or 8-5 thing plus an hour commute can take its toll on most, but some drivers are just jerks.

There has been more than enough times where I find myself in a sea of bumper to bumper cars and the idiots who don’t make room for others to get in. I have witnessed a couple very close calls which almost resulted in collision due to this stubbornness. I like to call this game “Jerk Chicken” – which jerk driver will back off making room for the other first? There are no winners- you’ll all get to your destination, so chill.

We’ve all been in the situation where we want to, for example, get on the highway but are refused to be let in, so the next time someone tries to merge in front of you-remember that, my friend.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t always let cars go in front of me but for the most part I do. There are however, a few “type drivers” that I am hesitant towards. The number one= “the shoulder driver”. You know the type, the driver who merges off the lane, drives on the shoulder to bypass traffic, then tries to merge back on the lane long ways ahead. “You think you’re more important than the rest of us? Sorry buddy- that’s just not cool and frankly pretty dangerous.”

Overall, whenever I make room and let other drivers merge in front of me I always wait to see if I get a thank you wave. It may be weird, it may be a little nerdy, but I really do look forward to it. And for all those who don’t give one…what’s up with that?

So in closing, fellow drivers: be cautious, be courteous and give “thank you waves”. You never know- you just make someone’s day a little better, or at least-a little less frustrating.

I have quite a large Kinder Surprise toy collection, and with each progressing year I am finding the toy ideas are becoming a little more odd.

When I was a kid I remember you had to build the toy more so than you have to nowadays. I loved that part the most. My siblings and I would also challenge each other who could build our toys without looking at the instructions. Perhaps that’s when my quirk for not reading instructions for most things began…

Anyways, the other day I received a Kinder Surprise and inside was this little surprise:

"Loooooovvvvveeeeee Mmmmeeeeee, bbbaaahhhhh"

My first reaction = “this is terrifying looking!!!” How did someone come up with this? A lamb with giant hands?! The hands are also connected to a string that retracts. When one hand is pulled, the other starts drooping down. The fingers also can interlock, thus clamping the hands together.

Overall, the toy is kind of neat and I did play with it for quite some time, but it’s still pretty creepy looking. In the back of my mind I couldn’t help but think of Lamb Chop getting into some sort of nuclear disaster, resulting in GIANT HANDS.

… on second thought, maybe that would have made the show even better?

So in closing: I miss old(er) Kinder Surprise toys, mostly for the fun of building them.

I never really buy bottled water, unless I am without my reusable steel water bottle. For the most part it all tastes the same to me: “tap vs bottled water”, and the following diagram also agrees.  The only exception I have come across is Disani. I greatly dislike the taste of Disani, and I highly doubt it’s just me-there really is a difference! I can almost say, I would rather drink pop than Disani-and I very rarely drink pop.

Anyways, I came across this diagram and though it’s nothing we all haven’t seen or heard of before I would like to share it regardless: (click on the diagram for full view)

Presented by Online Education
The Facts About Bottled Water

So it seems I have neglected to post for quite a while. It was only a matter of time, but I’ll try to do better in the future.

Oh February, you came and you went so darn quickly, with many ups and downs to say the least. Looking back at everything that had transpired this past month, I cannot put it into words and I still can’t believe it’s March already!

Time goes by too fracking fast- but I rather not think of that right now.

Instead:

Maybe it’s because of my German background and especially maybe because the woman somewhat reminds me of every one of my female relatives, but I can’t help but laugh to myself every time I see this commercial. I actually find myself running to the TV if I hear it from another room. I was never a big fan of the other stride commercials, but this one I like.

Focus on the woman, she’s so little and delicate- doesn’t seem she could hurt anyone, and then WHAM! Swift hit to the back- priceless! Crazy Germans.

It might be weird, but this cheers me up.

I often read articles on the CBC page, along with the comments from others readers. Lately I have noticed a lot of opinions about bringing back the death penalty in Canada. I for one am very much against the death penalty, always have been. However, to my own surprise this was altered a few weeks ago.

I went to see the film “The Lovely Bones”; there is one scene in particular that really tug at my emotions. For anyone who has seen the film, it was the moment where the main character performs a monologue (what say you) which recaptured all the past murders, committed by her own murderer. It was quite intense and I found myself hating this character; wanting this character to suffer as well. Then I stopped myself and reexamined my thoughts and feelings to compare what I have studied in school. All the programs and the success/ failure rates on the different forms of “punishment”; simply put: capital punishment is not very effective.

Going back to the CBC article comments, when I read the entries on pro-capital punishment, I could sense a lot of emotion; a direct reaction to what had been read in the corresponding article. This is exactly, how I felt (for a few moments) when I watched “The Lovely Bones”, but then I took a few moments to think. I can understand why individuals might favour capital punishment, and I can even respect their reasoning, if and only if, it is not driven by pure emotion or vengeance, which is how I interpreted many of the comments from the articles as being so.

One thing which remains in the back of my mind, and I cannot escape is the question: “would feel the same way if I was personally affected by such horrible events which warrant capital punishment?” I would like believe I would hold my ground. I absolutely would want the individual to “pay” for the crime, but to end another life wouldn’t reverse anything and I don’t think it would help me sleep better at night. It may sound odd to hear, but I think I would want to understand what would drive an individual to commit such an act. I would want this information to be used in order to deter and/or help prevent others from committing similar crimes.

As for the “punishment” itself, in one way I see it as, the individual who committed the crime does not value others’ lives, so they may not value their own. Execution for some may be a liberation rather than punishment. This may sound slightly on the simple side; it’s only a small theory.

(As a side note, do I really need to play the David Milgaard card?)

Overall, I favour incarceration, hospitalization, treatment programs and many other lists of things catered to the individual (included: harsher guidelines for patrol, community or labour services, and if possible education and reintegration). Sure, I may come off as slightly idealistic, but I will also note part of me believes there are certain individuals who stretch far from being helped, but again, to deprive someone of their life? I don’t think I can argue in favour of it, for now anyways.

There has been more than one occasion, while engaging my friends and family in stories of my daily encounters (in particular those at work), where my life has been referred to as “an episode of a bad sitcom”. So as a special treat for you I will re-enact one such encounter:

Christina: Good Afternoon [visitor], how may I help you today?
Visitor: Hi Christina, I’m here to see [Boss]. He’s expecting me.
Christina calls boss and gets permission to let visitor in. Signs visitor in.

Christina: Okay [visitor], you can go right in.
Visitor: Okay, great thanks
Christina unlocks door. Visitor struggles opening door.

Visitor: It’s still locked
Christina: No, it’s open, the green light is still on. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in then pull out.
Visitor continues to struggle opening the door

Christina: Excuse me Sir, the light turned red, let me unlock it for you again, please remove your hand from the handle
Visitor still tries opening door by turning the handle

Christina: Sir, you’re still turning the handle, please remove your hand from the handle. The door is now locked again.
Visitor stares blankly then removes hand. Christina unlocks door again.

Christina: Okay, it’s unlocked again. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle, can’t open door

Christina: Sir, you’re turning the handle, don’t turn the handle.
Visitor: What? It won’t open
Christina: It won’t open if you turn the handle.
Christina: It’s locked again. Let’s try one more time. Please remove your hands until the light turns green
Christina unlocks door again- it turns green

Christina: Okay, now DON”T turn the handle, just push the handle in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle again, door still won’t open. Christina stands there and stares.

Christina: Let me walk around and open it for you.
Christina walks over to door and opens it.

Scene ends

Note: the sad thing is that this was the condensed version. I don’t know why I allowed myself for it to go on as long as it did.

Tune in next time for when Christina recieves calls with people inquiring to purchase all sorts of wacky stuff. What kind of wacky stuff you ask? You’ll have to read to find out. CLIFFHANGER-ED!