About Me


So it’s been a few months since my last post, but this time it wasn’t my fault. Here’s what happened: (short story)

I woke up on a lovely Saturday in April; April 24th, I believe. I made my way downstairs to fix myself a nutritious breakfast and to my surprise there standing in my very own kitchen was no other than “Mad Artheon Meikuzukushi” the most notorious half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain of them all!

What, you may ask, was Mad Meikuzukushi doing in MY house? Well, as everyone knows that if a half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain sacrifices a suburban black cat to the Ninja/Pirate hybrid Gods, when the moon is full at exactly 2:26am, while standing in a boat made of oak, and holding an onion in your left hand-they can and WILL be the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.

I of course, I have a black cat named Tales. “Tales” (2) for those who do not know, has an origin dating back to ancient times when “The Ninja” and “The Pirate” first fell in love and decided to create a super-hybrid (I may tell this story at a later time). Tales. Definition: the writ by which such persons are summoned.

When, and I am not 100% sure HOW Mad Meikuzukushi found out about my cat, Tales, he felt drawn…you can even say “summoned” to capture him and deliver him to the Gods.

So there I was: Saturday, 8am-kitchen. Mad Meikuzukushi with his soulless eyes, Tales in hand, glaring at me; a shiver ran down my spine. What the heck was going on?!! Then, without warning, without a second thought he was gone, Tales was gone! Mad Meikuzukushi used his Ninja side to escape before I could do anything. But what he left behind was the key to get Tales back, the key to the start of my adventure. I looked at my feet and there lay a scroll in a bottle. Mad Meikuzukushi’s Pirate side had failed him. Silly Pirates-always drunkenly loosing things.

The scroll, conveniently, outlined all what I needed to know. I quickly ran over to the calendar and noticed that April 28th was a full moon. I had to act quickly. I gathered my things and headed out blindly, frantically attempting to gather any clues possible.

If I was a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain, where would I go? Then it hit me…THE ONION! HE NEEDS AN ONION!. I know what you’re thinking now: but where would a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villian buy an onion? WELL, that’s OBVIOUS! WHERE PEOPLE ARE USED TO SEEING “ODD” CHARACTERS….WAL_MART! Proof

I jumped on my bike and rode as fast as I could. When I arrived, I scanned the food section: a woman with a mullet, a man with a ferret wearing a fedora and this guy

I almost gave up hope, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Mad Meikuzukushi in the section of the Miley Cyrus clothing line (yeah, don’t ask me- I don’t know). He didn’t know I was there. I had to think quickly. WHAT defeats a hybrid Ninja/Pirate? I then grabbed…a copy of some “Justin Bieber” CD, the closest CD-player I could find and blasted it. It worked! Mad Meikuzukushi dropped to the ground in agony. Not even the strongest of Ninja/Pirate hybrids could withstand “Baby Baby Baby…” When I thought it was safe, I ran over to grab Tales. BUT THEN SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED. The CD player (great quality) began to skip giving Mad Meikuzukushi enough time to escape. This time I was ready, this time I was able to see his mode of transportation. A Kawasaki Vulcan cruiser, of course.

Where was he going? As I stood there in thought- BAM I felt a strong hit to the back of my head and I was out! When I came to there stood a mysterious figure. I was in an unknown place. A Clown? Why did a Clown hit me? When I came to he (never caught his name) regaled me with tales of how the first Ninja/Pirate hybrid destroyed his land and killed his family- only 4 survived. From that day on, all Clowns’ mission was to stop any Ninja/Pirate hybrid from becoming “the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.”
How could this Clown help me? Fact: Clowns are very agile, sneaky and darn right creepy. No one wants to mess with a Clown. So I thought: “hey, couldn’t hurt, right?”

The next few days were spent in the Clown’s secret fort (can’t recall where we stayed). We planned our method of attack and researched areas of where the sacrifice HAD to take place. There was only one (sadly I cannot say as I fear any other Ninja/Pirate hybrids will read this and come after me).

And so, we headed off once more and arrived at our destination the morning of the 28th. We didn’t have much time. There were many things to gather. The night was creeping upon us.

The clown and I set up camp at 9:00pm. It was night, the sun had already fallen-we waited.

At 12am Mad Meikuzukushi finally arrived- he had to prepare as well. He made his way on his boat to the middle of the lake [location: not specified for reasons above]. We gathered our things and moved in, slowly behind. When he stopped we were running out of time-it was 1:55am. The clown took charge, jumped Mad Meikuzukushi’s boat and attempt to slay him. That was the end of the Clown. The ultimate mistake every Clown makes and something everyone must know: you cannot, repeat CANNOT destroy a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain with a balloon sword. That was the last time I would join forces with a Clown…just sayin’.

So it was up to me! Mad Meikuzukushi knew I was there! He fought back with ninja stars, cannons and even fish. With my inner strength and the love for my cat fueling me, I avoided all hits but all my supplies and weapons were destroyed. I was panicking, Mad Meikuzukushi knew I held the shorter hand. I couldn’t give up, but yet I didn’t know what else to do! Then there, stuck in the side of my boat, tangled in what was left of the Clown’s bag was my answer!

2:23am! It was time, my heart beat quickly, sweat dripped down my temples. Mad Meikuzukushi raised his left hand-the onion! There he stood on a boat made of oak, the moon was full! Mad Meikuzukushi raised his right hand-there he held his Katana.

I responded, the Clown- he had an iphone! Apparently the Clown was a closet Justin Bieber fan. And you know what happened next. With power and my own personal invisibly cloak [Justin’s Bieber’s tween and 40-year woman, loving voice] I jumped the boat, tied the iPhone to Mad Meikuzukushi and dumped him overboard to his watery abyss-never to be seen from again.

Tales was safe and I didn’t have to listen to Justin Bieber any longer. All was well.

Now to figure out how to get home…

I IZ SAFE

You might be thinking: “well that only counts for like one, two weeks of inactivity. Let me ask you this: “Have you ever had to battle a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain for the sake of your cat?” Plus all that travel time? It’s tiring!!!

Actuality: like all my blogs, this one has followed suit and has fallen in the vortex of my laziness, hopefully I made up for it with creativity.

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So it seems I have neglected to post for quite a while. It was only a matter of time, but I’ll try to do better in the future.

Oh February, you came and you went so darn quickly, with many ups and downs to say the least. Looking back at everything that had transpired this past month, I cannot put it into words and I still can’t believe it’s March already!

Time goes by too fracking fast- but I rather not think of that right now.

Instead:

Maybe it’s because of my German background and especially maybe because the woman somewhat reminds me of every one of my female relatives, but I can’t help but laugh to myself every time I see this commercial. I actually find myself running to the TV if I hear it from another room. I was never a big fan of the other stride commercials, but this one I like.

Focus on the woman, she’s so little and delicate- doesn’t seem she could hurt anyone, and then WHAM! Swift hit to the back- priceless! Crazy Germans.

It might be weird, but this cheers me up.

I think I have found (one of) my dream lofts . I love the feel and look of lofts, especially “industrial”style. Alas, this will but remain a dream as it is way over my price range, and probably forever will be. I find myself, especially lately, daydreaming about buying my own place in downtown Toronto-how cool it would be and convenient for getting around, and such. There’s always something happening in the city and I love the liveliness of an urban core (says the surbanite). I can’t stop looking at this place. I must have gone through the virtual tour five times straight. If I actually owned this place I would throw the most awesome parties! Another reason I am craving for a place of my very own; I love to entertain/ get together with friends-from board game and movie nights, to bbqs and simple hangouts. Man, it’s so nice, gah! It even has two sinks, not that I need two, but wow this place is awesome.
The only structural limit- no balcony, which I have always wanted, but I don’t think I care anymore. Though, if I combine this loft with another I found I would also have this awesome terrace:

terrace awesomeness

Oh the fun I would have. Sun tanning in the summer, snow angels and snowman building in the winter!
Then there’s furnishing and decorating the loft! This brings me back to grade 8 math. We had this assignment to design our own bedroom. We were given dimensions and a budget to do whatever we wanted. It was a lot of work, but fun and encouraged us to be creative.  By having a place of my own, a major expression of creativity could be had. I think I would have a painting party, aka “get all my artsy friends to come over and help me out”. To be fair I would think I would supply some form of compensation…beer?

I daydream far too often. Back to reality I go.

For those who know me well enough, you probably have come to realize that I, at times, have very bizarre dreams. If I am lucky I will remember the dream in great detail. I had such a dream some time ago:

A friend and I were at Wonderland and for some reason they built a second mountain, bigger and better. There were several attractions in the new mountain. The main attraction was this water-rafting ride that traveled all the way down the mountain from the very top. I really wanted to go, so my friend and I headed off towards it. The journey up the mountain ended up being a giant maze. It was so hard to find our way through it. There were trap doors and would drop you to a floor below and hidden passageways. It was also cave-like and dark and scary. There were even strange creatures out to get us. I never saw them, but we could hear noises all around us. When we got out of the maze, there was a huge playground. For those who remember when Ontario Place had the children’s play place (and when it was actually still awesome)-picture that, with tonnes of people running around. We finally got through the playground and were now at the top of the mountain. The top of the mountain was completely flat, outside in the open and had a go-cart track on it. But the dream didn’t stop there. Wonderland had closed the track for the day because they was a concert going on! Apparently it was some huge band and my friend and I made it to the top of the mountain just in time, before closing it off to the rest of the public. This concert was also being televised! There were so many camera crews there it was insane. I then asked my friend when he wanted to go down the water-rafting ride and he told me he didn’t want to go anymore! I was so mad! After the death-defying maze, the zoo of people playing in the playground and escaping the creatures, he was going to bail. He said he was going to take the stairs instead! The stairs! How lame is that, I ask you? As we argued the camera crew started filming the concert and wanted to get shots of the crowd. You guessed it, he started filming my friend and I. We were told to act causal and pretend to be talking as he filmed us. All we did was bicker but pretended to be talking about music. It was pretty weird. By the end of the concert I ditched my friend and went down the water-rafting ride on my own, it was fun. I don’t know what happened to my friend after that- I bet he was too scared to go down the ride. ha! Then I woke up. The end.

Here’s a picture I quickly drew up of the mountain I saw-ish in my dream:

"Fun Galore!"

Oh, and if you’re wondering what those black dots are. They’re holes in the caves. Kind of like windows.