Daily Encounters


So it’s been a few months since my last post, but this time it wasn’t my fault. Here’s what happened: (short story)

I woke up on a lovely Saturday in April; April 24th, I believe. I made my way downstairs to fix myself a nutritious breakfast and to my surprise there standing in my very own kitchen was no other than “Mad Artheon Meikuzukushi” the most notorious half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain of them all!

What, you may ask, was Mad Meikuzukushi doing in MY house? Well, as everyone knows that if a half-Pirate, half-Ninja evil villain sacrifices a suburban black cat to the Ninja/Pirate hybrid Gods, when the moon is full at exactly 2:26am, while standing in a boat made of oak, and holding an onion in your left hand-they can and WILL be the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.

I of course, I have a black cat named Tales. “Tales” (2) for those who do not know, has an origin dating back to ancient times when “The Ninja” and “The Pirate” first fell in love and decided to create a super-hybrid (I may tell this story at a later time). Tales. Definition: the writ by which such persons are summoned.

When, and I am not 100% sure HOW Mad Meikuzukushi found out about my cat, Tales, he felt drawn…you can even say “summoned” to capture him and deliver him to the Gods.

So there I was: Saturday, 8am-kitchen. Mad Meikuzukushi with his soulless eyes, Tales in hand, glaring at me; a shiver ran down my spine. What the heck was going on?!! Then, without warning, without a second thought he was gone, Tales was gone! Mad Meikuzukushi used his Ninja side to escape before I could do anything. But what he left behind was the key to get Tales back, the key to the start of my adventure. I looked at my feet and there lay a scroll in a bottle. Mad Meikuzukushi’s Pirate side had failed him. Silly Pirates-always drunkenly loosing things.

The scroll, conveniently, outlined all what I needed to know. I quickly ran over to the calendar and noticed that April 28th was a full moon. I had to act quickly. I gathered my things and headed out blindly, frantically attempting to gather any clues possible.

If I was a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain, where would I go? Then it hit me…THE ONION! HE NEEDS AN ONION!. I know what you’re thinking now: but where would a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villian buy an onion? WELL, that’s OBVIOUS! WHERE PEOPLE ARE USED TO SEEING “ODD” CHARACTERS….WAL_MART! Proof

I jumped on my bike and rode as fast as I could. When I arrived, I scanned the food section: a woman with a mullet, a man with a ferret wearing a fedora and this guy

I almost gave up hope, but then out of the corner of my eye I saw Mad Meikuzukushi in the section of the Miley Cyrus clothing line (yeah, don’t ask me- I don’t know). He didn’t know I was there. I had to think quickly. WHAT defeats a hybrid Ninja/Pirate? I then grabbed…a copy of some “Justin Bieber” CD, the closest CD-player I could find and blasted it. It worked! Mad Meikuzukushi dropped to the ground in agony. Not even the strongest of Ninja/Pirate hybrids could withstand “Baby Baby Baby…” When I thought it was safe, I ran over to grab Tales. BUT THEN SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENED. The CD player (great quality) began to skip giving Mad Meikuzukushi enough time to escape. This time I was ready, this time I was able to see his mode of transportation. A Kawasaki Vulcan cruiser, of course.

Where was he going? As I stood there in thought- BAM I felt a strong hit to the back of my head and I was out! When I came to there stood a mysterious figure. I was in an unknown place. A Clown? Why did a Clown hit me? When I came to he (never caught his name) regaled me with tales of how the first Ninja/Pirate hybrid destroyed his land and killed his family- only 4 survived. From that day on, all Clowns’ mission was to stop any Ninja/Pirate hybrid from becoming “the most powerful Ninja/Pirate hybrid for…..one year.”
How could this Clown help me? Fact: Clowns are very agile, sneaky and darn right creepy. No one wants to mess with a Clown. So I thought: “hey, couldn’t hurt, right?”

The next few days were spent in the Clown’s secret fort (can’t recall where we stayed). We planned our method of attack and researched areas of where the sacrifice HAD to take place. There was only one (sadly I cannot say as I fear any other Ninja/Pirate hybrids will read this and come after me).

And so, we headed off once more and arrived at our destination the morning of the 28th. We didn’t have much time. There were many things to gather. The night was creeping upon us.

The clown and I set up camp at 9:00pm. It was night, the sun had already fallen-we waited.

At 12am Mad Meikuzukushi finally arrived- he had to prepare as well. He made his way on his boat to the middle of the lake [location: not specified for reasons above]. We gathered our things and moved in, slowly behind. When he stopped we were running out of time-it was 1:55am. The clown took charge, jumped Mad Meikuzukushi’s boat and attempt to slay him. That was the end of the Clown. The ultimate mistake every Clown makes and something everyone must know: you cannot, repeat CANNOT destroy a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain with a balloon sword. That was the last time I would join forces with a Clown…just sayin’.

So it was up to me! Mad Meikuzukushi knew I was there! He fought back with ninja stars, cannons and even fish. With my inner strength and the love for my cat fueling me, I avoided all hits but all my supplies and weapons were destroyed. I was panicking, Mad Meikuzukushi knew I held the shorter hand. I couldn’t give up, but yet I didn’t know what else to do! Then there, stuck in the side of my boat, tangled in what was left of the Clown’s bag was my answer!

2:23am! It was time, my heart beat quickly, sweat dripped down my temples. Mad Meikuzukushi raised his left hand-the onion! There he stood on a boat made of oak, the moon was full! Mad Meikuzukushi raised his right hand-there he held his Katana.

I responded, the Clown- he had an iphone! Apparently the Clown was a closet Justin Bieber fan. And you know what happened next. With power and my own personal invisibly cloak [Justin’s Bieber’s tween and 40-year woman, loving voice] I jumped the boat, tied the iPhone to Mad Meikuzukushi and dumped him overboard to his watery abyss-never to be seen from again.

Tales was safe and I didn’t have to listen to Justin Bieber any longer. All was well.

Now to figure out how to get home…

I IZ SAFE

You might be thinking: “well that only counts for like one, two weeks of inactivity. Let me ask you this: “Have you ever had to battle a half-Ninja, half-Pirate evil villain for the sake of your cat?” Plus all that travel time? It’s tiring!!!

Actuality: like all my blogs, this one has followed suit and has fallen in the vortex of my laziness, hopefully I made up for it with creativity.

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One thing I have realized on the drive to and from work everyday is that I really appreciate the “thank you wave”. It may be a very small gesture but it goes a long way.

I drive with traffic as part of my daily routine and everyday I witness the aggressiveness some drivers possess. We all have our moments and sure, doing the 9-5 or 8-5 thing plus an hour commute can take its toll on most, but some drivers are just jerks.

There has been more than enough times where I find myself in a sea of bumper to bumper cars and the idiots who don’t make room for others to get in. I have witnessed a couple very close calls which almost resulted in collision due to this stubbornness. I like to call this game “Jerk Chicken” – which jerk driver will back off making room for the other first? There are no winners- you’ll all get to your destination, so chill.

We’ve all been in the situation where we want to, for example, get on the highway but are refused to be let in, so the next time someone tries to merge in front of you-remember that, my friend.

I’m not going to lie, I don’t always let cars go in front of me but for the most part I do. There are however, a few “type drivers” that I am hesitant towards. The number one= “the shoulder driver”. You know the type, the driver who merges off the lane, drives on the shoulder to bypass traffic, then tries to merge back on the lane long ways ahead. “You think you’re more important than the rest of us? Sorry buddy- that’s just not cool and frankly pretty dangerous.”

Overall, whenever I make room and let other drivers merge in front of me I always wait to see if I get a thank you wave. It may be weird, it may be a little nerdy, but I really do look forward to it. And for all those who don’t give one…what’s up with that?

So in closing, fellow drivers: be cautious, be courteous and give “thank you waves”. You never know- you just make someone’s day a little better, or at least-a little less frustrating.

There has been more than one occasion, while engaging my friends and family in stories of my daily encounters (in particular those at work), where my life has been referred to as “an episode of a bad sitcom”. So as a special treat for you I will re-enact one such encounter:

Christina: Good Afternoon [visitor], how may I help you today?
Visitor: Hi Christina, I’m here to see [Boss]. He’s expecting me.
Christina calls boss and gets permission to let visitor in. Signs visitor in.

Christina: Okay [visitor], you can go right in.
Visitor: Okay, great thanks
Christina unlocks door. Visitor struggles opening door.

Visitor: It’s still locked
Christina: No, it’s open, the green light is still on. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in then pull out.
Visitor continues to struggle opening the door

Christina: Excuse me Sir, the light turned red, let me unlock it for you again, please remove your hand from the handle
Visitor still tries opening door by turning the handle

Christina: Sir, you’re still turning the handle, please remove your hand from the handle. The door is now locked again.
Visitor stares blankly then removes hand. Christina unlocks door again.

Christina: Okay, it’s unlocked again. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle, can’t open door

Christina: Sir, you’re turning the handle, don’t turn the handle.
Visitor: What? It won’t open
Christina: It won’t open if you turn the handle.
Christina: It’s locked again. Let’s try one more time. Please remove your hands until the light turns green
Christina unlocks door again- it turns green

Christina: Okay, now DON”T turn the handle, just push the handle in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle again, door still won’t open. Christina stands there and stares.

Christina: Let me walk around and open it for you.
Christina walks over to door and opens it.

Scene ends

Note: the sad thing is that this was the condensed version. I don’t know why I allowed myself for it to go on as long as it did.

Tune in next time for when Christina recieves calls with people inquiring to purchase all sorts of wacky stuff. What kind of wacky stuff you ask? You’ll have to read to find out. CLIFFHANGER-ED!

This may be a stupid question to ask, but who here has experienced déjà vu? I always find it crazy when it happens, especially when it involves the most trivial things. Now this occurred quite a few weeks ago, but throughout the day my friend Brad and I experienced déjà vu at least 4 times. It all involved talks that we’d not normally discuss and when it came to the second time around for each of the talks it was with someone completely random (a lot of whom I had just met that day and who had brought up the topic all on their own). Repeated discussions, similar events which we had experienced, and obscure opinions we shared were among the déjà vu episodes. I’m pretty sure Brad and I both used the phrase “This day is freaking me out!!!” ….more than once twice.

So why does déjà vu happen? If memory serves me correctly (from psych class back in Uni), one theory states that déjà vu simply results when one part of the brain processing something before another part of the brain. But, this more so pertains to a déjà vu episode that immediately follows the initial experience. This does not account for mine and Brad’s experience where episodes happened hours later….or does it? Could our brains be that much slower?…nah- just kidding. I also remember reading another theory that states, déjà vu simply happens when a memory is being “recalled”. I guess that would be the case for us. Still, I can help but get an eerie yet, “cool” vibe when it happens, and think about how often it happens and with all sorts of individuals, some of which you did not know before (like in my case) or with two sets of people whom you wouldn’t normally draw comparisons. The Sociology student is coming out again. It’s interesting how similar we can be- how we think, how we act and so forth. A lot can contribute to this, hello Nature vs. Nurture debate! (I won’t go into this…for now). This blog is pretty much a babble.

Today I experienced another episode. Early this morning, a coworker had brought up the movie “Office Space” to explain a situation, than hours later I was talking to my friend Graydon who also brought up “Office Space”. Sure, it was different scene, but still weird and random. Similar thought patterns, associating their own work situation to that of “Office Space”; I know I know A LOT of people do this, but I still found it random.

In a way my déjà vu experience today reminded me of my déjà vu experience from a few weeks ago. Am I freaking you out yet? . [cue “Twilight Zone” theme]  😉

So the other day I was doing a little Christmas shopping and found myself in a ‘Bath and Body Works’. For anyone who has ever been in one, it seems it’s constantly nutso busy. Now, I am not sure if this only applies to the Christmas season, but this particular store had ‘zones’, yes ZONES. I entered the store, got maybe three steps and BAM first hit, “HI THERE, can I help you?!!!”.  I politely declined the offer of assistance and continued on my mission to find my x-mas gift. Two more steps were taken and little did I know I was entering Zone # 2, a.ka. “Zone Body Splash” then came the second hit “HEYYYYYYYYYYYY, can I help you find something?!!” Again, I thanked her for the offer, and continued through the lotion trenches. I thought I was in the clear, had my eye on  the goods. I moved towards it with stealth, but to my surprise I had entered the hidden ‘danger zone’, a.ka. “Zone Gift Sets”- where I was surrounded. In retro-spec I realized by picking up the gift set I had triggered the attack: “HEY did you hear about our special offer today?….” I stood there frozen in fear, it was some form of interrogation: “what are you looking for? Can I help you find something? Can I get you something?” It just went on.  Then it clicked; I knew what to do! I managed to escape this attack with THE secret code phrase. I swiftly turned away but before I could finish my sigh of relief I was struck again, “Hi, did anyone tell you about our special offer…”- pulling out my defense once again, I prevented further interrogation. Scanning my surrounding, I saw no one in close proximity, so I once again picked up the gift set I wished to purchase; a quiet whisper was emitted into the air, “hiiiiii, did anyone tell you about our special offer?” I took a different approach this time. I began to interrogate her: “Is there a way I can find out what this smells like” I asked… no, demanded! Not expecting a counter-attack she stood there confused, knowing the answer lay in another ‘zone’ and afraid to leave her posts, she radio-ed in back up. I was soon escorted to the boarder of ‘Zone Gift Sets’ and ‘ Zone Wallflowers’, my hands trembling, my throat dry of thrist- not knowing how far I would have to go. Keeping my distance I followed the new girl. I obtained my answers and got out fast- though she seemed more afraid of me, I did not want to take any chances. An important thing must be remembered here: if one stays in ‘Zone Wallflower’ too long, you won’t come out without a souvenir of the battle. Anyways, knowing exactly how to complete my mission I headed straight toward the gift set without looking back, without making eye contact with anyone, without thinking twice, without fear. I snatched it and continued further down the line, through the ‘signature collection classics’, ‘aromatherapy classics’ and carefully avoiding the wall of ‘anti-bacterial classics’. There was only one thing left to do…pay and retreat! I crept to the line, I could sense others around me who were in the same situation; fear and fatigue filled the room, but I had made it this far and wasn’t about to give up. It was my turn now, I pulled out my weapons (my debit card) and with one simple swipe and I few punches of the keys I inputted my secret code. It went through without any trouble. Once I was handed my goods it was if I was now untouchable- no one would dare come near me again. That small paper bag was protecting me.  I moved back through the ‘zones’ with ease into the clearing of the mall sidewalk. VICTORY! In closing, if you venture into the battle-fields of the “Body and Bath Works” remember: 1) all ‘zones’ are guarded 2) be aware of your surroundings, but try not to look them straight in the eye 3) Ipods can only help so much, if you take your ear buds out it’s like an invitation to conversation interrogation 4) always remember to use your secret code defense phrase: “No, thanks I’m just looking” and 5) If and only if you are heavily skilled in consumerism may you use the counter-attack. So go forth my friends, happy shopping.