So it seems I have neglected to post for quite a while. It was only a matter of time, but I’ll try to do better in the future.

Oh February, you came and you went so darn quickly, with many ups and downs to say the least. Looking back at everything that had transpired this past month, I cannot put it into words and I still can’t believe it’s March already!

Time goes by too fracking fast- but I rather not think of that right now.

Instead:

Maybe it’s because of my German background and especially maybe because the woman somewhat reminds me of every one of my female relatives, but I can’t help but laugh to myself every time I see this commercial. I actually find myself running to the TV if I hear it from another room. I was never a big fan of the other stride commercials, but this one I like.

Focus on the woman, she’s so little and delicate- doesn’t seem she could hurt anyone, and then WHAM! Swift hit to the back- priceless! Crazy Germans.

It might be weird, but this cheers me up.

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There has been more than one occasion, while engaging my friends and family in stories of my daily encounters (in particular those at work), where my life has been referred to as “an episode of a bad sitcom”. So as a special treat for you I will re-enact one such encounter:

Christina: Good Afternoon [visitor], how may I help you today?
Visitor: Hi Christina, I’m here to see [Boss]. He’s expecting me.
Christina calls boss and gets permission to let visitor in. Signs visitor in.

Christina: Okay [visitor], you can go right in.
Visitor: Okay, great thanks
Christina unlocks door. Visitor struggles opening door.

Visitor: It’s still locked
Christina: No, it’s open, the green light is still on. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in then pull out.
Visitor continues to struggle opening the door

Christina: Excuse me Sir, the light turned red, let me unlock it for you again, please remove your hand from the handle
Visitor still tries opening door by turning the handle

Christina: Sir, you’re still turning the handle, please remove your hand from the handle. The door is now locked again.
Visitor stares blankly then removes hand. Christina unlocks door again.

Christina: Okay, it’s unlocked again. Don’t turn the handle, just push it in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle, can’t open door

Christina: Sir, you’re turning the handle, don’t turn the handle.
Visitor: What? It won’t open
Christina: It won’t open if you turn the handle.
Christina: It’s locked again. Let’s try one more time. Please remove your hands until the light turns green
Christina unlocks door again- it turns green

Christina: Okay, now DON”T turn the handle, just push the handle in and pull out.
Visitor turns handle again, door still won’t open. Christina stands there and stares.

Christina: Let me walk around and open it for you.
Christina walks over to door and opens it.

Scene ends

Note: the sad thing is that this was the condensed version. I don’t know why I allowed myself for it to go on as long as it did.

Tune in next time for when Christina recieves calls with people inquiring to purchase all sorts of wacky stuff. What kind of wacky stuff you ask? You’ll have to read to find out. CLIFFHANGER-ED!

“Those who flee temptation generally leave a forwarding address.”-Lane Olinghouse

Indeed. I have spoken too soon.

Tonight the “Jean Pool” will close down. Jean (being the asker) has a date tonight with the one and only: Christmas Shopping Guy (CSG) (see previous post below on January 13th in “Contests”). I personally don’t blame Jean. CSG beat the odds has come back into the picture and I wish them both a successful date. The official count 6 weeks-minus 2 days! It might have been Murphy’s Law or simply Jean’s power of attraction, and powerlessness (just go with me on that one) to her competitors, but it is what it is.

This contest has also gotten me thinking a bit. As human beings we long to have someone, we’re brought up being taught that as we grow up we find a partner with whom we continue our lives. Human Nature: the biological urge to find someone so that human existence continues. Socialization: we grow up, date, marry, have kids etc etc etc. But this is not the case for everyone. Not all will marry. Not all WANT to date, marry and have kids etc etc etc; in fact there are many who choose the life of solitude or other lifestyles. Hmmm my train of thought has been interrupted and has stirred from far the initial point of this post (I apologize). I guess what I’m trying to say is, in this particular case we held a contest to restrict “dating”. We had a contest to restrict an urge- though funny and amusing- how long could it possibly have last? Nothing wrong with solitude, but I for one would not choose it. It’s also interesting to see how individuals find each other, while others don’t and at times that’s difficult to change, sadly. Should we just be patient or is that just a saying to “sugar-coat” the situation? Bah! I’m going to stop thinking of this.

Back to the contest. Another question what still lies in the wakes of my mind. If the date did not work out for whatever reason, could Jean still be accountable for her actions? In most cases where one breaks the law (or in this case “Guidelines for Dating”), or if an individual has the intention, but delivers no action, that person still can be charged for said offence. Bringing this to the issue of Jean-can it be argued that she could have been guilty of “Attempted Dating”? Unfortunately, since it wasn’t outlined in the guidelines I guess I cannot argue this case; time for a revision for next time ;).

But in the end it doesn’t really matter, the contest was fun while it lasted and it gave us all an opportunity to tease Jean in a loveable way.

Ironically (but not entirely) I have won the pool! (with my date being Jan 20th- and funny it was the day Jean called me with news of her proposed date). Now for the important question: What drink shall I request for my prize?

It’s been just over a month and the Jean Pool is free from mutation. Though, (like other pools) the Jean Pool is not free from ripples, our friend Jean still has her head above the water. One such rippling situation involved a person (yes a man-ow the intrigue), whom Jean had met at a social function, asking Jean to go shopping.

Consider these facts:

1) Jean and the man in question just met at the time

1b) They were not friends prior

2) A sense of attraction- and not merely platonic attraction-was present

3) The idea of going shopping with someone you just met seems like an easy excuse to spend time together and make a move.

4) Down to the point- it pretty much violates all of Section 1 in the guidelines (see previous post post below on December 11thth 2009 in “Contests”).

As this happened Jean quickly called me and inquired about the possible date status. After careful consideration-actually it was blatantly obvious (and not just to me) -this guy was asking Jean on a date! But the decision to “go out” ultimately was up to Jean and in the end she stayed true to the pool.

Ripple Effect Number Two: “The Tale of the Last Date Guy”. Jean’s last date (12.13.09) asked Jean to “hang out”. He knows about the pool, but is this relationship truly “platonic”? The panel says “no”! Jean aware of this as well has chosen to stay in the pool and avoid the temptation of drying off.
To conclude the babble: Jean Pool is still intact. 

I myself am nearing my date in the pool and am beginning to believe I may be out…hmmm I still a bit of time. *evil stare and snare*

So the other day I was doing a little Christmas shopping and found myself in a ‘Bath and Body Works’. For anyone who has ever been in one, it seems it’s constantly nutso busy. Now, I am not sure if this only applies to the Christmas season, but this particular store had ‘zones’, yes ZONES. I entered the store, got maybe three steps and BAM first hit, “HI THERE, can I help you?!!!”.  I politely declined the offer of assistance and continued on my mission to find my x-mas gift. Two more steps were taken and little did I know I was entering Zone # 2, a.ka. “Zone Body Splash” then came the second hit “HEYYYYYYYYYYYY, can I help you find something?!!” Again, I thanked her for the offer, and continued through the lotion trenches. I thought I was in the clear, had my eye on  the goods. I moved towards it with stealth, but to my surprise I had entered the hidden ‘danger zone’, a.ka. “Zone Gift Sets”- where I was surrounded. In retro-spec I realized by picking up the gift set I had triggered the attack: “HEY did you hear about our special offer today?….” I stood there frozen in fear, it was some form of interrogation: “what are you looking for? Can I help you find something? Can I get you something?” It just went on.  Then it clicked; I knew what to do! I managed to escape this attack with THE secret code phrase. I swiftly turned away but before I could finish my sigh of relief I was struck again, “Hi, did anyone tell you about our special offer…”- pulling out my defense once again, I prevented further interrogation. Scanning my surrounding, I saw no one in close proximity, so I once again picked up the gift set I wished to purchase; a quiet whisper was emitted into the air, “hiiiiii, did anyone tell you about our special offer?” I took a different approach this time. I began to interrogate her: “Is there a way I can find out what this smells like” I asked… no, demanded! Not expecting a counter-attack she stood there confused, knowing the answer lay in another ‘zone’ and afraid to leave her posts, she radio-ed in back up. I was soon escorted to the boarder of ‘Zone Gift Sets’ and ‘ Zone Wallflowers’, my hands trembling, my throat dry of thrist- not knowing how far I would have to go. Keeping my distance I followed the new girl. I obtained my answers and got out fast- though she seemed more afraid of me, I did not want to take any chances. An important thing must be remembered here: if one stays in ‘Zone Wallflower’ too long, you won’t come out without a souvenir of the battle. Anyways, knowing exactly how to complete my mission I headed straight toward the gift set without looking back, without making eye contact with anyone, without thinking twice, without fear. I snatched it and continued further down the line, through the ‘signature collection classics’, ‘aromatherapy classics’ and carefully avoiding the wall of ‘anti-bacterial classics’. There was only one thing left to do…pay and retreat! I crept to the line, I could sense others around me who were in the same situation; fear and fatigue filled the room, but I had made it this far and wasn’t about to give up. It was my turn now, I pulled out my weapons (my debit card) and with one simple swipe and I few punches of the keys I inputted my secret code. It went through without any trouble. Once I was handed my goods it was if I was now untouchable- no one would dare come near me again. That small paper bag was protecting me.  I moved back through the ‘zones’ with ease into the clearing of the mall sidewalk. VICTORY! In closing, if you venture into the battle-fields of the “Body and Bath Works” remember: 1) all ‘zones’ are guarded 2) be aware of your surroundings, but try not to look them straight in the eye 3) Ipods can only help so much, if you take your ear buds out it’s like an invitation to conversation interrogation 4) always remember to use your secret code defense phrase: “No, thanks I’m just looking” and 5) If and only if you are heavily skilled in consumerism may you use the counter-attack. So go forth my friends, happy shopping.

If I you could have a super power what would it be? At some point in time, most people are asked this. Some people would choose to have the ability to fly, while others may choose the ability to read minds. My super power of choice would be the ability to control time and space. This preference first began when I was a kid and watched the TV show Out of This World (2:53). The main character  Ethel Garland, a half-alien/half-human living in California, had the ability to freeze time by touching her two fingers together and unfreezing time by clapping. I thought it was so cool. I often would daydream about having this ability and think how handy it would be to have in daily routines. (Who am I kidding? I would daydream about all the stuff I could do and get away with!) Although if Evie accidentally touched someone, they too would “unfreeze” and realize she had powers. On top of this awesome power, Evie also had the ability to teleport, by snapping her fingers. Radical.

Another TV character which fed my desire for this power was the iconic Zack Morris from “Saved by the Bell”. Who didn’t love his ability to “time-out” and “time-in” at any given moment? AND he could touch anyone without “unfreezing” him or her. That’s one up to Zack Morris! Sorry Evie, but your half-alien heritage gains you an incomparable status.

TV character #3: Sabrina Spellman (4:30) from the show “Sabrina the Teenage Witch”. I recall a few episodes where Sabrina froze time or went back in time to undo an occurrence, change the future, or gain extra study time for Mr. Rockwell’s math test. Definitely had daydreams where I had that ability during some of my own tests…stratosphere is below mesosphere damn it! Other than that S.S didn’t have much of an impact.

The most recent character that further sparked my notion that “time-control” is one of the best super powers is Hiro Nakamura from the show “Heroes”. He is able to freeze time, speed it up, slow it down, go back in time, go forward in time and teleport around the world. Just think of all the time and money on travel expenses you’d save. In a less practical mind-set, think of all the places you could go!

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. Time travel is very dangerous you can alter the future, yada yada yada- but it would be different for me 😉

As such, I would sum up my powers like so:
1) Keep Evie’s style of finger touching to freeze time, clap to unfreeze

2) Have Zack Morris’s ability to come into contact with others, without accidentally unfreezing them, thus exposing them to my secret. BUT have the choice to unfreeze anyone, like Evie.

3) Ability to teleport, like Hiro, but I would be better at it and not get lost somewhere in time and space unable to find my coffee shop love interest.
3b) Ability to teleport with someone (must be touching him or her).

4) When time traveling-no body doubles like in the movie Primer . This would prevent the risk and altering the future (I think). Although I don’t think I would time travel too much, I much prefer the idea of freezing time, speeding it up and teleportation.

5) Invisibility would be handy for this power too, especially if I would literally be popping out of thin air. Having the option of time traveling or teleportation while invisible would give allow me to observe events or people without possibly altering future events.

There are so many other attributes to add, but I’ll leave it at this for now and encourage you to share your ideal super powers.

A friend of mine, who has not experienced the single life for quite some time, has agreed and challenged herself not to date until the end of April 2010. Knowing my friend, loving my friend-but laughing at my friend in disbelief I took it upon myself to make things more interesting.

So I give you “The Jean Pool”

The Jean Pool

The Contestant: Jean
The Challenger(s): Men
The Challenge: Jean will attempt not to date…anyone! This will come into effect on December 13th 2009, and end (scheduled) April 30th 2010.

Place your bets; see how long Jean will last. The winner gets the loot.

The Pool:

Participants, choose a day ranging from December 13th 2009 to April 30th 2010. The person closest to day, without passing the day in question, is the winner.  And if by any chance the world reverses, and/or Jean accidentally turns herself invisible, whereby being able to make it to April 30th 2010 without having one date, Jean will get the loot.

Rules:

1) One entry day per person, leaving five grace days in between selected days (this is prevent a classic “The Price is Right Steal”).
2) A “day” begins at 12am, ends 11:59pm
3) The day of the “date” is considered to be the day it begins. I.e. if the date begins at 9pm on January 5th 2010, but doesn’t end until past 12am on January 6th 2010, the winner is whoever has chosen the day closest to January 5th 2010, without passing it.
4) April 30th 2010 is reserved for Jean, herself.
5) Temptation is permitted; in fact, it is encouraged! Let’s make things interesting for our friend. Test her strength and will!
6) The pool will conduct via honour system. We will trust Jean with admitting her [potential] defeat. (And by honour system I mean sending out an army of secret ninja spies to watch every move Jean makes).

Contest Ending/ The Prize:

With the end of the contest, whether it may be at the scheduled end of April 30th 2010 or in January 2010, a celebration involving beverages of the alcoholic kind will occur. The winner of the contest will be rewarded a drink from Jean. If and/or when Jean is successful, thus making it to April 30th without having/ going on one date, everyone involved in the pool must purchase an alcoholic beverage for Jean.

Guidelines of what is considered a “date” with Jean:

Section 1:
Engaging in an activity alone with a male; whom Jean has:
a) recently met, and/or;
b) have not yet established a platonic friendship, and/or;
c) known the male has romantic feelings, or an inclination that the male has romantic feelings, and/or;
d) Jean herself has romantic feelings, or feelings of attraction that exceeds platonic friendship

Section 2:
Engaging in activities where a male outlined in Section 1:
a) attempts, offers, or in fact pays for
i) a meal, and/or;
ii) a movie, and/or;
iv) another activity during the social engagement
v) purchase any form of gift during, after or leading up to the social engagement
b) picks up Jean and drives her to and/or from the social engagement
c) at anytime during, after, or leading up to the social engagement, attempts to, or in fact:
    i) hold hands, and/or;*
    ii) kiss, and/or;
    iii) or hug for more than 30sec*

Section 3:
Engaging in an activity, as outlined in Section 2 with a male, as outlined in Section 1 and another couple, thus making it a ‘double-date’.

Section 4:
Engaging in an activity, as outlined in Section 2 with a male, as outlined in Section 1 and any other person(s), thus creating the classic “third wheel” scenario and/or “hey guys do you mind if i bring [blank] along”.

*Exemptions:
In an event of clubbing and/or other forms of dancing, Jean may hold hands and/or hug for more than 30secs if and/or when the male is:
a)    Not known to Jean prior to the clubbing activity, and not a male as outlined in Section 1 and/or;
b)    Not known to someone who is known to Jean prior to the clubbing activity
Any breach of the above will be considered a date and thus end the contest immediately.

Exemptions do not include instances, when and if:
a)    Jean has agreed to go to the same dancing event/club with a male, as outlined in Section 1
b)  Jean has agreed to meet a male, as outlined in Section 1, at a dancing event/ club

End.

Will Jean make it? Or will she fall under the pressures of temptation? Only time will tell.

note: I will be updating contest happenings throughout the challenge.